The Financial Irresponsibility of a Parent.
This weekend we had an impromptu visit from my mom to have dinner with us. She was in town and was stopping by to give our kids some valentine’s day goodies, no big deal. It was nice to have her over to catch up and visit as we have three kids and always seem to be busy with other activities, work, and sheer exhaustion. I love my parents, I really do, but they drive me nuts. My mom is forever the pessimist, whatever can go wrong will go wrong, someone is always out to get you, etc…
Let me preface stating that I was extremely financially responsible until my last year in college where I naively thought that I was about to graduate and I would earn a great income as I had a college education. During that senior year I went credit crazy, enjoyed new clothes, a spring break trip and random dining out indulges. This continued after graduation even when that great job came as well as the mentality of paying just the minimum payments. Generally this is how I arrived at where I am today.
Like many other companies and employees in the work force her company has begun to lay off employees. She has seen around 75 people let go from the company she works for and everyone is on edge there. From what she has told me from the office gossip is that they are not done. The company has asked for voluntary early retirement and voluntary layoffs, so what does she do? She goes out and buys a laptop and then pays the computer service technicians at a large big box retailer to service it for her. Now, I have come to expect or assume that she is in financial dire straits. I consistently hear about how she borrows from her 401k to pay her bills, does random deals to borrow from Paul to pay Peter, and she is juggling which bills to pay that month. What do I say to her about this decision? From my understanding the parents willingness for advice from their children is generally not welcomed and I have experienced this before with her. I have expressed to her our plan for our plasectomy and to get out of debt, stop spending, and work more for a short amount of time. It’s not forever and it is needed, but nothing helps. It is extremely frustrating to watch the bad financial decisions made time and time again knowing as a single mother how hard it was. I wish for her to be setup well and not to struggle. Ugh…



February 16th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I just came by to visit your blog. Good luck with becoming debt free! I’m excited to be too.
February 17th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Your mom might be in this little country I know of called Denial. Perhaps you can really sit down with her and tell her how concerned you are and some tough love might also be in order. I told my mom that I am NOT paying for her to live somewhere when she gets older and that I am NOT going to be responsible for her because she was being irresponsible with herself. It woke her up. She’s straightened up a bit but she still had a long way to go. At least she stopped calling me El Cheapo since she has seen the light(bulb).
February 21st, 2009 at 11:04 pm
[...] Mr. Plasectomy talks about the financial irresponsibility of a parent. It is tough to see anyone we care for be irresponsible with [...]
February 22nd, 2009 at 2:40 pm
I’m sorry to hear about your Mother’s financial woes, but it is also nice to hear there are others out there in similar situations as myself.
My mother has no 401K left because she’s taken everything out. She also decides which bills to pay each month yet, she continues to have the newest DVD or other gadget as soon as she can.
I’ve tried to make comments here and there about the situation but she is totally non receptive, even confrontational about the subject. I agree it’s the whole parents taking advice from their children thing.
~Meg
onourwayonline.com
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:36 pm
@Sandy – I may have to do just that. Every financial decision she seems to make just bugs me to no end.
@Meg – I can understand our parents not being receptive as they are supposed to be older and wiser, but I wish they would realize it is out of concern.
February 27th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Oh wow. OK. The only reason I would not possibly want either my mom or my dad (they’re divorced) to live with me is if they were given to criminal behavior, or to behavior that was destructive to anyone but themselves. I could not fathom not doing it otherwise. For Pete’s sake. I only exist because they got together, and one or the other of them raised me to adulthood (mostly Dad). I literally owe them my life. I could not see myself doing anything else but taking them in if they needed it. And if they behaved in such a way that I could not live with them I would at least oversee them getting into a decent residential situation somewhere.
Again. It is the least I can do. Wow. What is this world coming to?